Monday, December 21, 2020

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU...



Likes attract likes, birds of a feather flocks together. No excellent woman will look your direction talk less of accepting your marriage proposal if you do not have these qualities:

1. INTELLIGENCE: You must have it. No virtuous, super smart lady will ever give attention to a mediocre, unintelligent, mentally backward and passive man. If there is nothing in your head except football and sex, you are not fit for marriage.

2. EXCELLENT PACKAGAGING: No one asked you to get labeled suits from France. Excellent grooming means excellent hair cut, fitting shirts, tops and trousers. Well sized shoes and neatly ironed outfits plus excellent colour combination and neatness. You are good to go.

3. LOOK PROFESSIONAL: Take your job/ business seriously and look what you sell. You can't look like a scum bag and expect her to like you. If you are a banker, dress and look like it. If you sell motor spare parts, look it. If you are a mechanic, look responsible in your over all and look sweet in your mufti. You don't have to be all black, dirty and smelly all day.

4. YOUR CARRIAGE: Lazy posture is a turn off. Stand straight. Don't drag your feet on the floor when walking. Walk smart. Exude confidence.

5. THINK BEFORE TALKING: Excellent men open their mouths with wisdom, they speak with knowledge and understanding. Stop talking for the sake of talking. Stupid jokes and senseless, meaningless discussions are for lazy, backward, visionless people. If you have nothing sensible to say. Keep your mouth shut.

6. BE KNOWLEDGEABLE: Every woman wants a man she can look up to. You must know more than her for her to respect your advise and opinion. Read wide, attend seminars, symposiums, workshop and lectures. Be an excellent researcher.

7. EXUDE CONFIDENCE: Excellent men exude confidence. Walk straight, look people in the eye when talking, learn to take firm handshake. Dress smart.

8. YOUR SPOKEN ENGLISH: Excellent men have a good command of English language. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes but if the mistakes are making you lose job interviews, chase potential customers away and confuse the congregation when preaching Jesus and hell fire, you need serious attention. Go back to school!

9. BE HARDWORKING: Excellent men are 100% committed to their job, business, ministry or vision. If you have nothing doing and you want to get married, you need rehabilitation.

10. MAKE MONEY: Excellent men know how to make money. Money is a number one romance booster in marriage. Give your wife cool cash to look good and run the home, she will enjoy love making without stress. Just as poverty deflates erection, lack of money will make any woman frigid. Go look for job, start a business and learn to bring money home.

11. BE A GIVER: Excellent men are generous and take care of the needy. They pay their tithe and offering without delay and are excellent seed sowers. If you are stingy and tight fisted, no sane woman will marry you.

12. BE FRIENDLY: Friendly guys always win the trophy. Learn how to make a lady feel comfortable, learn to crack clean, good jokes. Smile at her and laugh with her...it makes you so adorable.

13. SMELL GOOD: We ladies have very sensitive nostrils. Honestly, body and mouth odour are hired killers of love and romance in marriage, they turn us off! Before you approach any lady, brush your teeth and smell good! Invest in good perfume please! You don't need to have a fortune to do that. #200 perfume are all over Oshodi market!

14. SMILE: Smiling guys are attractive any day, any time. I love my darling when he smiles at me, he looks so handsome to me.

15. BE FRIENDLY: Friendly guys always win the trophy. Learn how to make a lady feel comfortable, learn to crack clean, good jokes. Smile at her and laugh with her...it makes you so adorable.

16. BE HUMBLE: Show courtesy and etiquette to ladies. Learn to pull a chair for her to sit, when you open the door, let her go in first. My husband still treats me like his queen and it makes my head swell. Whenever he opens the door, I go in first. He does that both in private and public. Infact more in private. you now understand why am so crazy about that guy? He knows how to treat a woman. 'dewunmi, take this, muaaah!

17. BE A GENTLE MAN: Don't be rude, loud, saucy and crude, puleeeeaaaze! you are not talking to your maid okay? Even if you have the choleric temperament and a complete extrovert, it doesn't mean you should be rude and shout on the woman you are dating! Who wants to marry that kind of man?Excuse me!

18. LOVE GOD: Excellent men are God lovers and God chasers. When you chase God, excellent women will find you so adorable.

There you go brother. Go work on yourself and prepare to attract the woman of your dreams, an excellent virtuous woman.

Put an end to wrong relationships and marital delay. Learn to attract and get married to the woman of your dreams.

You will not mis-choose. See you at the top. God bless you. Cheers!

©The States Lady

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

FIVE ESSENTIALS FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP




Everyone deserves to be in a healthy, loving relationship and with the right person by your side, a healthy relationship is completely attainable. Here are 5 essentials for having a healthy relationships.

1. Communication

You’ve definitely heard the very clichΓ© “communication is key.” But here’s the thing – it’s a clichΓ© for a reason. Good communication is one of the most important aspects to having a healthy relationship. When starting a new relationship, it’s important to be able to talk about what you both want and expect. Sometimes this means being honest and having uncomfortable conversations, but if you’re in a healthy relationship your partner will be receptive and listen.

2)Respect

Listening to your partner (like actually listening, not just waiting to speak) and trying to understand their perspective is a key way to show respect in your relationship. Even if you want to disagree listen first.

3) Boundaries

We all have personal boundaries on what makes us feel good, comfortable, safe, etc. In a healthy relationship, you should feel 100% comfortable communicating those boundaries and know that they will be respected (and vice versa for your partner). If you only want to hang out 3 times a week – that’s fine; etc

4. Trust

This is a big one. All healthy relationships require mutual and unguarded trust between partners. Regardless of what either partner has experienced in the past, like a cheating ex or a parent’s divorce, in a healthy relationship your partner will trust you completely. DO remember that it takes time to build trust in a relationship (it usually doesn’t come right off the bat!) and that when your partner fully trusts you with their feelings, you should respect them and not betray their trust. Cheating on them or doing things to make them jealous isn’t right

5. Support

One of the best things about being in a healthy relationship is having a supportive partner who you know has your back. Whether it’s sticking up for you when someone says something mean about you, or always being that rock you can rely on, in a healthy relationship you and your partner will support each other and treat each other as equals. Your partner won’t use tactics to manipulate you, control you or put you down. They will be protective of you, but not overly possessive. They will encourage you to spend time with friends and family, work toward your personal goals and have a life outside of your relationship. Supportive partners will always want what’s best for you, and they won’t hold you back from achieving your dreams. 

In a healthy relationship, you’ll feel like yourself and not like you have to change things or make huge sacrifices so that the relationship can thrive.

Thursday, November 26, 2020

MARRIAGE ADVICE FROM THE ELDERLY



1. Marriage is not for quitters

2. You will feel proud of yourself looking back knowing that you honoured your vows

3. If you do marriage right, it will bring out the best in you and in your spouse 

4. Sex is important but not the only thing in marriage

5. When younger, make love as much as you can, enjoy it. A time is coming when all you have are memories 

6. Friends will come and go, you will know so many people as a married person, but keep your spouse your priority

7. Don't stay together for children, eventually they will leave you two. What will you have to hold?

8. Growing old doesn't mean you cannot make your spouse feel special, keep making his/her heart beat 

9. Do not harden your heart, otherwise marriage will be too great a burden 

10. Do not hold grudges, otherwise stress will kill you 

11. Eventhough you two are married, don't forget to build yourself, and work on your goals as an individual. Don't lose you 

12. Not every advice is good advice. Discern 

13. Love your spouse the best way you can, not as a reward to your spouse for treating you right, but because you have personally chosen to

14. It is not for you to say you are a good husband/wife but for your spouse to say I have a good husband/wife

15. Don't work too hard chasing after money for your family that you lose your family 

16. Praying for your spouse is your personal responsibility that you cannot delegate to another person 

17. Start each day with warm words and the tone of the day will be good 

18. Don't be scared of aging, be scared of aging without a purpose or a legacy in mind

19. As you work, think about retirement. Save, invest, plan. You will not always have the energy you have 

20. Fathers, don't disconnect from your children as they grown up. If you do, you will want them near you in your old age but they will struggle to bond with you 

21. Mothers, don't hurt your children with words. Mummy wounds are difficult to heal from 

22. Remember what you sow in your younger years of marriage, you will reap in your older years 

23. Marriage is possible if the two work on it 

24. You may pretend to the outside world you two are happy but behind closed doors, you two know the true state of your union. Stop living a public lie, have true love 

25. Every marriage has dark spots but the wise couple keep the light on

26. If you feel like quitting; step back, breathe, be objective and most likely you will realize you don't have to quit. Don't always trust feelings, wait them out 

27. One day you will give an account to God for how you treated your spouse, may God be pleased with you 

28. What a blessing it is to have lived having loved and been loved

Monday, November 9, 2020

9 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER, APOLOGIZE FOR



Maybe it feels like everybody is waiting for you to make a mistake and everybody wants you to apologize, but you don’t have to. You don’t have to say sorry for the things you do because you don’t owe it to anybody. It’s your life and you shouldn’t live it in fear of other people’s judgments. If you feel like doing something and you do it and you feel good about it, why do you constantly apologize? These are the nine things you should never, ever, apologize for:

1. Loving someone

Being in love is a wonderful thing even though it might not be a mutual feeling. Just because you love somebody wrong or you love somebody who doesn’t love you back, you shouldn’t be ashamed of it. You should never apologize for loving no matter who you love. It’s your right and even if it was forbidden, it’s your heart that chooses, not you, so there is nothing else to do about it but own it.

2. Saying ‘NO’

You don’t have to make excuses or explain yourself. ‘No’ is a complete sentence and it doesn’t require a justification. What you fail to realize is that you say ‘no’ to millions of other things by simply saying ‘yes’ to one thing. You’re doing it without even knowing. So, why should you apologize for openly saying you don’t want to do something? It’s unnecessary and you need to stop. It’s your life and you get to chose what you want to do. If you don’t feel like doing something, then don’t. It doesn’t get simpler than this.

3. Following your dreams

You only have this one life and you’re the only one responsible for how you’re going to live it. You will be the only one to blame once you’re old and wrinkled for not living it the fullest and you’ll only be able to point fingers towards your mirror at the one who’s responsible. So, if you know all this, why do you feel guilty? The things you’re apologizing for now will be the things you’ll thank yourself for in future. Keep this in mind.

4. Taking out ‘me’ time

You need time to refill your batteries and sometimes, being around people can just be overwhelming. It’s OK to take some ‘me’ time. It’s more than OK—it’s a necessity. You don’t have to apologize for it. You will never need to apologize for taking ‘me’ time.

5. Your priorities

Just because somebody isn’t your #1 priority doesn’t mean you have done something to be blamed for. There are more important things in life and you’ve already lined them up from the most to the least important and that’s perfect.
The only thing you struggle with is your feeling of guilt. Well, if it doesn’t matter to you and if it’s not on the top of your list or if it’s not even worthy of being on your priority list, why do you keep apologizing? It’s your life—you get to chose your priorities. Everybody else who doesn’t approve may just move along and find somebody else to brainwash. You have your priorities straight and you should never apologize for it.

6. Ending a toxic relationship

Many people stay in toxic relationships for god-awful reasons. You should be proud to be smart and brave enough to leave your toxic relationship. You should reward yourself for that magnificent move—not apologize.

7. Your imperfections

If you read the sentence: “All your imperfections make a perfect human being.” would it make any sense to you? There are so many imperfect people out there and nobody even cares. Nobody is noticing your flaws instead of you. And if they are, then they’re probably just being assholes. You should never apologize for the things that make you, you.

8. Standing your ground

To dim your voice when you actually have a point is the worst thing you could do in this world. Just because somebody else disagrees doesn’t mean you’re wrong. Hell, don’t get intimidated when somebody gets angry and don’t apologize. Instead, stand your ground. You’ll feel better once everything is over and you’re right.

9. Telling the truth

If somebody can’t handle the truth, should you lie? Nope! You should never apologize for being honest and telling how things are. Even if it hurts somebody, even if it makes you lose a few people in your life—do it. There is nothing to be afraid or ashamed of, and there is most definitely nothing to apologize for. Wouldn’t you want to know the truth no matter how much it hurts rather than being comforted with lies?

It’s your life you’re living and nobody else’s. You don’t need anybody to tell you this. So, instead of dimming your voice and being a little scarred bird, why don’t you decide to own your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Those who care won’t mind and those who mind don’t care.

Sunday, November 8, 2020

TOP 13 SIGNS OF AN EMOTIONALLY MATURE MAN



What age does a man emotionally mature? What are the characteristics of an emotionally mature man and how can we recognize one?
When it comes to maturity, we all know that women are the ones who mature faster than the opposite sex – men.

To understand this better, just think of the days of your childhood or a little later on when you were in high school.
I’m pretty sure that you noticed how boys and girls behaved completely different.

Boys were always the ones who acted childishly in front of the girls, making fun of themselves and others for no specific reason, and so on. And later on, boys were always the ones who had issues with understanding their and other people’s emotions.

Over the years, some of these same boys never actually matured; they simple turned into emotionally immature men who are afraid of commitment and confused about everything else that has something to do with relationships.  But then, at what age does a man fully emotionally mature?

Being with an immature man can only make a woman frustrated, and his insecurities can cause the relationship to suffer and fail before it even starts.

Emotionally immature men are a real pain in the ass and every woman who has ever been with one knows what I’m talking about. Now, the real question is: at what age does a man emotionally mature? Well, according to a new study commissioned by Nickelodeon UK’s channel upon launching the new show Wendell & Vinnie, men don’t fully mature until the age of 43.  But, since this doesn’t apply to every single man on earth, I’m sorry to tell you that actually there is no specific age that maturity sets in. As a matter of fact, age has little or nothing to do with it.
But there are some things that are characteristic of every mature man and if your guy exhibits these 13 signs, you can be sure that you’re dating an emotionally mature man!

TOP 13 SIGNS OF AN EMOTIONALLY MATURE MAN

1.  His priorities have changed

He rather chooses to sleep than go out on a Friday night. He has got to the stage where nights out just don’t make sense anymore and now he would rather spend the night sleeping, relaxing, or just lying on the couch watching Netflix or playing video games.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that your guy is grown-up if he stays at home every Friday night, but it is a huge indicator that he has become more aware of how much sleep and rest are important for him and his health. It is a huge indicator that he’s miles away from immaturity. Also, another big indicator that your guy is emotionally mature is his ability to keep promises and stick to his decisions. For example, he promised you that you would go on a romantic trip together and in the meantime, his guys called him to go out with them, but he rejected them because he’s a man of his word and he would never disappoint you.

2. He forgives more

An important sign of his maturity is when he forgives something he wouldn’t have easily forgiven before. This is not easy to achieve and requires you to grow as a person first. To become more forgiving, you first need to become more understanding and open-minded, learn to not hold grudges, and control your anger. You see, the easiest thing a man can do is yell at you for the smallest of things and without any valid reason.
But if your man is trying really hard to work on his tolerance and overall behavior, you can be sure that he’s a real, emotionally mature man.

3. He respects differences

Respecting differences is surely one of the biggest signs that your guy is emotionally mature because it’s one of the most difficult ones to acquire.

While some people have this innate ability to respect and praise everything that is different, the majority of us have to work really hard on this one to reach the level of total acceptance and tolerance of otherness. If your man is mature, he’s probably aware of the importance of respecting humans of various sizes, abilities, ethnicities, and ages.
After all, the world would be a very dull place if we were all the same and it’s the incredible diversity among people throughout the world that makes it such a fascinating place. If the man you’re dating is aware of all of that and doesn’t show any signs of being disrespectful toward different behaviors, styles, backgrounds, and preferences, then it’s clear he is mature enough for you.

4. He shows feelings

Emotionally mature men don’t suppress their feelings, even though they are taught to do so. They know that acting tough and strong are not signs of maturity, but welcoming their feelings is. They also know that communication and being able to share things with you are some of the most important things when it comes to relationships. If your guy doesn’t have any problems with expressing his feelings to you and talking about his fears or dreams, you can be sure that he’s emotionally mature. Otherwise, he wouldn’t feel that comfortable opening himself up to you.

5. He avoids drama

You will recognize your man’s maturity during your first fight. By observing his behavior, you can learn a lot about him. An emotionally mature man will stay calm and admit if he’s wrong or sometimes may even prefer to stay silent rather than engage in a trivial argument. He never yells at you or calls you names because he respects you always, regardless of whether or not he’s mad. He also tries to calm you down and offers solutions if you have any problems. 
He is ready to do anything just to avoid drama and unnecessary arguments. Also, he doesn’t freak out when neighbours are listening to loud music. Instead, he’ll always have wise solution for every problem.

6. He creates space for you

An emotionally mature man will create space for his partner. This means being present, available, and open to having conversations with you. It means that he will stay put when he wants to run, and not judge you or be emotionally ungenerous when you need him. If you’re feeling sad, he’s always there to comfort you or make you laugh because he understands the emotions you’re going through and he wants to make you feel better with all of his heart. He also appreciates your need to have some space for yourself and he doesn’t judge you when you want to go out with your friends. This is a huge indicator of him being emotionally selfless and giving.

7. He is constantly growing

Being open to learn new things and grow as a person are clear signs of emotional maturity.
Every emotionally mature man knows that holding onto old patterns that are unhealthy will only result in experiencing the same problems over and over again. And that is why he is always open to seek advice from you and the people around him or ask for help regarding things he is not sure about. He is not afraid to show that he is not that good at something because he’s aware of the fact that you can’t be good at everything, and that the only way to grow is to be honest about your abilities and be ready to work on them. He works hard to become a better person. His ambition and motivation to become bigger and better will increase his maturity, strengthen your relationship, and fulfill not only his life but yours, too.

8. He respects boundaries

Emotionally mature men never hurt people or violate their privacy. He is confident enough to date an independent woman and he is willing to respect the boundaries she establishes in that relationship.  He never makes excuses about something he did or didn’t do, and if he hurts you, he makes sure to apologize and work hard to earn your trust again.
An emotionally mature man also sets and respects rules himself. He’s aware of the fact that nothing will ever change if he’s not willing to work on it. And that is why he’s determined to become the best version of himself.

9. He is close to his friends and family

This is often mentioned but it can never be stressed enough – that a man who can hold great relationships with the people around him is easily able to carry that over to his romantic relationship. Most guys have good friends who share the same interests, but only a mature man will stand out by being close to the people he cares about. You can see it in the way he talks to them and about them. He is full of nice words and compliments for them, respects them, and is always ready to spend quality time together with them, no matter how busy he is.

10. He is willing to have difficult conversations

Having vulnerable and emotional conversations is hard for everyone and especially men – they are mostly wired to have conversations filled with retelling of practical jokes, burping, rude words, and more silly jokes. An immature man often has a short attention span and he’s unable to follow you during conversation.  An immature man only focuses on himself during conversations where he brags about his biggest maturity failings – his crazy dance moves, his own farts, doing wheelies/stunts on his BMX, driving a modified car with a loud exhaust, his boy racer’s skills, or about time spent in night clubs.  Immature men talk about driving too fast or challenging another car at the lights or on the motorway.
They don’t waste their time talking about their skateboard only to hide their inability to talk about anything else. But if your guy seems to be comfortable talking about anything with you, or, even better, if he’s initiating difficult and proper conversations, you can be sure that he’s more than emotionally mature.  Another sign of being mature is if he’s always respectful toward your ideas and never criticizes or makes fun of you, no matter what you say. He is willing to listen to you and respect your every word no matter the circumstances; that is how you know that he’s a one hundred percent mature person regardless whether he’s 25 or 45 years old. 

11. He is compassionate and empathetic

If he sees an old person, he instantly jumps to help them cross the street or carry their groceries. He stands up for those people in need, no matter what. He is compassionate and empathetic not only toward you, but toward other people as well. Emotionally immature men are not that aware of other people’s needs and desires because most of the time they only think about themselves or they are simply confused about what they should be doing.  But if your guy exhibits these traits of being compassionate and empathetic with you and the people around him, you can be one hundred percent sure that he’s an emotionally mature man!

12. He knows how to take care of himself

He knows how to prepare simple meals instead of primarily living on fast food and junk food. An emotionally mature man knows how to take care of his body and spirit.  So, if he rather chooses weight-lifting at the gym and consumes protein shakes instead of only playing videogames till 4 AM and eating pizza, you know that he’s making important decisions regarding his health and he’s sticking to them.  An emotionally mature man seldom indulges in irresponsible littering and other slovenly behavior. Instead, he always make sure to clean after his meal and any other activity. He knows that if he doesn’t do it, no one else will do it for him – that’s one of the biggest differences between an immature boy and a grown-up man. 

13. He strives to become more mature

If he is emotionally mature, he became that consciously and he is constantly moving toward emotional maturity with intention. He is willing to move into the unknown, into vulnerability, instead of avoiding feelings and running away from them. He doesn’t merely hide under a cartoon bedspread and wait for his problems to solve themselves. 
So, if your man is working hard on his behavior, flaws, and other little things, he is striving to become a more mature person and he knows that this is the only way to reach it. He is aware that he’s not perfect, just like the rest of us, but he’s also aware that with hard work and strong will, anything can be achieved. And that’s the biggest sign that you’re dating an emotionally mature man who is in touch with his feelings, who is ready to go out of his way to help others, who is ready to reciprocate and work on your relationship just as you are.

PARENTING: NEW WAY OF BRINGING UP OUR BOYS




Dear parents, you've home trained the girl child enough. You've inculcated good habits in them enough already. You've groomed them well. They are focused and are excelling. They've been adequately prepared for marriage.

 Thank you. Now can you please turn and face the boys. I don't know the kind of men you people are raising these days. Tell your boys they won't die if they pick their plates and wash them after eating. Tell them they won't suffer stroke if they sweep and mop the house. Teach them how to cook too, it won't reduce their manhood. Tell them they won't have hypertension if their rooms are kept clean. Tell them it is not a bad thing for them to wash their clothes.

Tell them their skin won't peel off if they bathe at least twice daily and their teeth won't fall off if they brush at least twice daily! Tell them they will still function well in the other room if they wash their boxers once or twice after using them! Tell them it doesn't cost a thing to be a honest man. The society needs virtuous men too so let them know it pays to be one! Tell them it is bad too for a man to be promiscuous! Tell them a man that shouts at his wife or raises his hand on a woman is a weakling and a beast! Teach them good manners. Stop saying "they are boys, house chores are meant for the girls, he will soon marry" etc You think when they marry, their wives will come and do magic in few years? It is not easy to change the habits of a full grown man. Let your focus not be on the girl child alone. Train the male child too. Don't let loose ill-mannered men into the society to come and trouble innocent responsible women.

Sunday, October 4, 2020

10 PRE-RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS YOU SHOULDN’T TAKE FOR GRANTED




There are some signs you shouldn’t take for granted before entering a relationship with someone; these signs show things you should expect when you enter that relationship.

A lot of people take pre-relationship red flags for granted and only get to regret it later on.

1. AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR

If a person is already showing aggressive behaviour or traits of violence, you should be careful of such a relationship and avoid it for your own safety.

2. INFIDELITY

When a man/woman has interest in you and also has interest in other people at the same time, you should be careful with such a person.
A relationship with such a partner would be filled with cheating and unfaithfulness.

3. LIES AND DECEIT

A man or woman feeding you with lies before the relationship starts proper is definitely a man or woman who would be untrustworthy to have a relationship with. Be careful with such a trait; when it shows fully in the relationship, you would feel hurt a lot of the times.

4. NONCHALANCE

A lot of men and women are taken for granted by their partners, in not only relationships but even marriages. You have to be careful about the issue of nonchalance; only enter a relationship with someone who’s willing to make you a priority in their lives.

5. SEX CONSCIOUS

A sex conscious person could be the one that’s only interested in sex; someone like this would only use you for sex and leave when they feel they have had enough.

6. IMMATURITY

A successful relationship needs a high level of maturity, and it would be almost impossible to have a good relationship with someone who is immature or acts like a child.

7. DOMINATING TENDENCIES

A dominating partner is a controlling partner; one who would bend you to do only his/her will. Your opinion in such a relationship would be subdued and your voice wouldn’t count — only that of your partner.

8. ULTERIOR MOTIVE

An example of ulterior motive could be someone who is after you because you are rich; avoid people like these and if a person shows this tendency before having the relationship with you, it just shows they are interested in your wealth and not you; such a relationship is unhealthy and one you would regret it on the long run.

9. SELFISHNESS

A selfish or self-centred partner is one that thinks only of himself/herself; such a partner would never think of you first but themselves. Self-centredness is an unfair trait to endure in a relationship.

10. ANNOYING HABITS

Some habits are annoying and you might not be able to condone them. Habits like drug abuse and alcohol abuse could be something you might not condone. If you hate dirtiness and cigarette smoking, you should watch out for it rather than thinking you could change your partner.

A lot of people have entered terrible relationships and marriages because they didn’t watch out for the red flags that they can’t live with. Red flags show you what to expect proper

Wednesday, September 9, 2020

THINGS WORTH NOTING FOR ALL THOSE TRAVELLING TO OR LIVING IN BAMENDA AND THE NORTHWEST REGION AT LARGE.


Cross section of Bamenda Town


1. For your own good, whenever law enforcement agents ( whether in uniform or not) stop a vehicle you boarded, stay calm, avoid hissing and grumbling. Whether you are a man or a woman, respect them and Allow them to peacefully do their work.

2. Please take the receipts of your electronic equipment, laptop or other bulk gadgets (original or photocopy), anywhere you go, if you must carry them along. 

3. If you don't have means of identification from your school or workplace, get at least a national ID card or driver's licence. It is crucial. your professional Badge may also help u at the military control. But be careful with it at the other type of control. It's very important.

4. Delete all your bank alerts, and transfer sensitive information or pictures into a flash drive or memory card.  Keep your financial transactions and sensitive documents away from your phone. 

5. Carrying  more than one ATM card may bring serious problem for you in our present-day Northwest  Region, especially with the 'other type' of control: be warned!!!

6. If you must move at night no matter how close to your house, take your ID card and let someone go with you. Never go alone.

7. Dress responsibly, be cummed; it will save you a whole lot of trouble, especially our youths keeping dreadlocks or funny hairstyles, tattoos and piercings etc. Looking rugged and wild may earn you serious trouble. Take care of your hairstyle and general grooming.

8. If you are given a vehicle to go for an errand, make sure all documents are complete and up- to- date. Also, your driver's licence must be complete before you hit the road.

9. When your car is being searched, don't just look away in anger ; they are doing their job. Just pay close attention to what's going on, to avoid "had I known".

10. If you are not sure of what someone is carrying in a bag, pack, or sack, please ask politely before accepting to give the person a ride. You may be arrested for what you know nothing about.

11. After any stranger you decide to give a lift comes down, move forward a little, park and  search your vehicle very well before you continue so as to avoid harbouring any incriminating objects left behind.

12. It is mandatorily necessary you dont keep this message to yourself  alone.

13) Be patient when travelling. Being in a haste may land you into serious problems. Where you find vehicles parked and are waiting, seek advise. You may not know the trap ahead

14) You will fine multiple controls from Matazem, Santa, welcome to Bamenda, Blue moon, mile one junction, Tradex etc before you enter town. Do not complain. They are working on instructions. You will be asked to drop down and identify yourself. Your car will be searched at these spots. They will take all your time. But do not complain.

15) Be aware that there is operation "Bamenda Clean" involving all men in uniform and the population. Don't be frigthened in the quarter when u see a group of millitary. 

16) Above all avoid certain talks because even those people you think you know them, you don't really know them in details. Be vigellant and Stay safe. 

Thanks and God bless our one and indivisible Cameroon

The States Lady

Monday, September 7, 2020

LESSONS THE COVID 19 PANDEMIC HAS TAUGHT ME




❤ We are connected as a world. Empathize when a problem happens on one part of the world, it might catch up to you

πŸ–€ Your life can be flipped upside down and changed in an instant. Live life intentionally and with purpose

πŸ’™ Racism, Classism, Tribalism and all the "isms" are foolishness. Corona was a leveller. It affected black, white, rich, poor. Every human. From all walks of life. Quit these nonsense discriminations . Newsflash!!! When push comes to shove. You really ain't better than the next man. Believe that.

πŸ’œ Those who preached technology Is evil were forced to refute that message. I have never seen so many "live sermons" as in this season

🧑 We need each other. I need you to protect me, you need me to protect you

🀎 Appreciate ALL jobs. Where would we be without the truck drivers driving food supplies to and fro and cleaners who fumigate and sanitise our surroundings?

πŸ–€ Some cultures and traditions we thought were a "must" do or some calamity would befall the family have been proved to be nothing but a fallacy

❤ Learnt that the dead can be buried within days. The culture of keeping bodies for weeks is unnecessary. Our Muslim brothers and sisters have had it on point all along

πŸ’š Invest more time in family ~ we were forced to stay home and some families realised they are total strangers to their loved ones. Our busyness created a rift we were not even aware of. May we treasure and make time for family

🀎 Consuming too much negative information can be toxic to your mental and physical health.

πŸ’œ Those who refused to embrace technology have just had to Zoom, Whatssap, FaceTime, Skype became essential to keeping in touch. In most places medical consultations were online with a medic. Church and even funerals happened on Zoom. It is good to keep abreast of new technology

πŸ’› Those who believe in massive weddings were forced to rethink. Weddings don't have to have 500 people nor cost much

πŸ’™ Have a saving culture. Unexpected things happen!

πŸ’œ Learn to navigate, cope and remain centred when things don't go as planned, otherwise your mental health will suffer

🀎 Health is wealth. We should never take our health for granted. Even to breathe free air is a blessing

πŸ–€ Find opportunities within a crisis. Many genuine millionares were made during this pandemic

πŸ’› Lock down made us realise there is beauty in physically interacting with people, we longed and yearned for it, don't take it for granted. Get off virtually and actually meet

❤ Be a blessing to people who are suffering, help whenever you can. You never know when the unexpected might come to your door. Hopefully those you helped will return the kindness you afforded them when they needed it

🧑 Things will happen in life to remind you how much you need God. Ain't that the truth?! We all cried out for mercy

πŸ’š We worked from home. The traffic and long commutes are really unnecessary. Most jobs can actually be done from home

πŸ’œ We can run out of food and essential supplies. Less wastage is key

🀎 Job security? No such thing. So many people lost their jobs. It's worth having side hustles too and not just relying on "salary"

❤ Together as ONE we can fight, rise above and beat anything, even pandemics.

πŸ’™ Your attitude when you are going through a crisis determines how much you grow when you come out of it. This pandemic taught us many many lessons that can potentially make us better as human kind. May we never forget

Wednesday, July 22, 2020

PHONE ETIQUETTE FOR COUPLES



Telephone etiquette means being respectful to the person you are talking with, showing consideration for the other person's limitations, allowing that person time to speak, communicating clearly and much, much more.
Your voice must create a pleasant visual impression over the telephone.

Good phone etiquette is important because we cannot see the facial expressions and body language of the other person and they cannot see us.
We must compensate by choosing our words carefully and using much more tone inflection to convey our message than if we were face to face. Today we will be looking at some key telephone etiquettes for couples:

1. Don't make a habit of putting your phone on silent mode or turning it off each time you're with your partner. It makes you look like you are hiding something.

2. Save your partner's phone number using a special title like "Hubby", "Love", "Wife", "Sweerie". Or save using a title plus the official name. Using the official name only makes your partner look like just the other contacts on your phone.

3. Answer your partner's phone call with loving affectionate words like "Hi love", "Hey honey". How a conversation starts detetmines how it flows. If you start warm, you two will enjoy talking with each other on phone.

4. End the talk on a high. Say "I love you", say a joke, a compliment, a warm phrase before you hang up. Hang up with a smile.

5. It is OK to chat with friends online. But never chat with another person more than you chat with your partner.

6. If you will be busy, notify your partner you will not be able to pick up calls or reply texts promptly. Inform your partner what you will be doing and approximately for how long. This prepares your partner and brings peace because your partner will not feel ignored.

7. Flirting on phone is good but only flirt with your partner.

8. Tell off people who try to flirt with you, entice you and charm you on phone. Let them know that you are taken.

9. Take lots of photos and videos together to capture moments. You will need those pics and videos in future as you look back.

10. When you go out on dates, keep the phone away, minimize phone use so that you focus on each other.

11. Don't make a habit of walking away from your partner to answer phone calls. Your partner will perceive you are hiding something or having an affair. Love is about perception.

12. After the date and you don't live together; man, call her up and check on her, tell her you got home safe; lady, send him a text, thanking him for a wonderful time.

13. Unless it's an emergency, when you can't reach your partner and you probably know he/she is at work or doing something; don't keep calling and texting desperately. You will only look like a nag to your partner and that will make your partner detest phone contact with you. Relax, your partner will see your missed call and text.

14. When you see a missed call or text from your partner, please call back or reply as soon as you can. Put your partner at ease.

15. Save your partner's phone number as an emergency number to be contacted incase something happens to you and your phone is locked.

16. Avoid fights and arguments over the phone, they are difficult to manage and leave a bad feeling when you hang up, thus negatively affecting how you two relate. Talk about serious issues that are volatile face to face.

17. When your partner offends you or you two aggrevate each other, never refuse to pick up your partner's phone call. That only makes matters worse. Keep the line of communication open so that you work things out. If you can't talk at the moment you are hurting, just pick up the call and say "I can't talk right now" and your partner will understand.

18. Inform your partner when and why you need to turn off your phone when you two are apart. Keep your partner from worrying.

19. When you two are having fun together, it is good to celebrate your love online but don't post too much about your lovelife. Some things are best kept private. The world doesn't have to know every detail of how you love each other.

20. When you two are having problems, don't vent about your partner directly or indirectly on your social media posts.

21. Don't let your partner get news about you from social media like your online friends. Tell the news to your partner first, and then post online.

22. If your partner tries calling you but your line is engaged, explain who you were talking to. If someones calls you when you're with your partner, say who it was. Transparency and clarity enhances trust.

23. Remember it is both your role to communicate. None of you should feel he/she is forcing a conversation or is doing much of the talking. Communication takes two.

24. Put away the phone when your partner needs your undivided attention, especially in the bedroom. Don't be intimate, holding your phone, more than you hold your partner. Phone use can affect your relationship/marriage negatively or positively. Be smart as you use your smart phone.

Monday, July 6, 2020

35 MICRO TACTICS NARCISSISTS USE TO CONTROL THEIR VICTIMS



1. A narcissist threatens you to intimidate you. He wants you to stop thinking for yourself and to blindly listen to him.

2. They are capable of going at you for putting up with someone’s ill-treatment, while at the same time, they disrespect you on a daily basis without thinking that it’s their problem. It can never be their problem. It’s always someone else’s.

3. They give suspicious compliments, which are more often than not meant to sound more like an insult than praise.

4. They sabotage you because they can’t handle your success. In their world, they are the best, the smartest, and the prettiest; everyone else is worthless.

5. They create a perfect outside image of themselves. To a complete stranger, they look flawless and successful.

6. They will go to all lengths just to keep the image they’ve built alive. If that means they have to crush someone to achieve it, they won’t think twice about it.

The Best Relationship Of Your Life Will Be With The Girl Who Doesn’t Need You

7. They will never initiate something. Kindly enough, they will let you tackle the problem and after you solve it, they’ll convince you that you did a lousy job and they could have done it so much better.

8. They don’t even think of you as a person, as an independent individual. They consider you an extension of themselves.

9. Fear is their main weapon. Using fear, they have complete control over you.

10. Whenever something is wrong, they blame you and tell you that you’re too emotional to handle life.

11. Vulnerability is not a plus; it’s a weakness in the eyes of every narcissist because they are wired differently.

12. Their confidence is not false. They truly think they are the best one can get.

13. They will blow some past event out of proportion and convince you it happened just the way they told you, only you forgot it because you were ‘too emotional.’

14. They set traps for you on purpose so they can appear as your ‘savior’ when you fall.

15. They’ll hurt you on purpose so that they can use their carefully thought-out plan to ‘apologize’ – in other words, to win you over.

16. They never pass on the chance to publicly humiliate you.

17. They threaten to smash or take your things.

18. They humiliate you every chance they get and yet they wonder why your confidence is so low.

19. They cannot control their emotions because they are not in touch with them.

20. They are always threatening to walk out on you because they want you to beg them to stay. They need to hear you need them and you can’t live without them.

21. One way to ensure they have complete control over you is to make sure you think you’re unlovable. They need you to think so little of yourself and that you thank God you have them in your life. Because according to your narcissist, you’re lucky anyone loves you really.

22. They verbally abuse you every time you don’t do what they want you to do.

23. Your entire relationship revolves around control. Narcissists need to have control. If they don’t, they are ready to emotionally destroy you to the point you can’t recognize yourself, just to get you to entertain their every whim.

24. If at any point of your relationship you sober up and try to find a way out, if you stand up to them, they won’t have it. Right after your rebellion, they will punish you.

25. They catch you in their web and make it almost impossible to cut loose.

26. When it suits them, they show emotions and they give love, but when it doesn’t, they take it away, which is heartbreaking for anyone who isn’t a sociopath.

27. They are in charge of the finances.

28. They are always investigating behind your back because they need to know everything going on around them.

29. Every decision you make, they will second-guess. It’s not because they don’t trust you, it’s because they want you to doubt yourself after a number of ‘you’re not capable of anything’ remarks.

30. They make sure being yourself is unacceptable. They want to change who you are and crush your self-esteem so you start believing you need to change, because who you really are is not good enough.

31. They constantly point out your flaws and they tell you right to your face that you need to change what they don’t like.

32. Every mistake you make will be used against you. It’s like you’re not allowed to make a mistake, while on the other hand, their mistakes don’t count because they will never admit to making them.

33. If you try the silent treatment, they will do anything possible to provoke you and to make you talk so they can once again turn things around.

34. They will never leave you alone because they need this relationship way more than you do. You are their narcissistic supply, something they can’t live without. So, they will leech off of you, simultaneously pushing you to leave and trying to keep you around.

35. Sadly, in the end, the good person ends up emotionally beaten while the bad guy moves on to the next victim, looking perfect in a stranger’s eyes.

© The States Lady

Monday, June 8, 2020

14 TRUTHS ABOUT FOREPLAY AND ORGASMS IN LOVEMAKING

1. Foreplay starts with your clothes on. How special, sexy, desired and safe do you make your spouse feel?

2. Foreplay is preparing your spouse adequately so that both of you can give each other pleasure 

3. Foreplay requires you to focus on more than just the vagina and the penis 

4. Foreplay is an art. The more you do it to each other, the better you become at it, the more you understand each other's body 

5. Foreplay needs to be customised. Find out what parts of your spouse's body are sensitive to touch, rubs, licks and kisses. Is it the nipples, the neck, the butt, the ears, the shoulders, the arms. Find out the erogenous spots and camp there for awhile 

6. If you rush to penetration, you might miss out on intense pleasure 

7. If you don't adequately prepare your spouse, she might feel pain and not enjoy, he might not feel the highest of pleasure 

8. Foreplay is more enjoyable when you both maintain good hygiene 

9. When foreplay is well done, it can actually lead to orgasms even before penetration. Read each other's body language 

10. When foreplay is sufficiently done to a woman, she gets extremely lubricated and gets to a point whereby she desires him inside her passionately. Once a woman gets to this point she becomes hungry and assertive. Take her there 

11. Many wives want more foreplay but don't know how to ask or have been ignored or made to feel like it is all about the man 

12. Sexual and sexual words is also part of foreplay. There are some things you can tell your spouse that heightens desire accompanied with the touching

13. The longer that climax is delayed for a man, the sweeter it is

14. Foreplay brings you two closer 

To enjoy love making in your marriage, invest more time on foreplay 

© The States Lady

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

LADIES, BEFORE YOU DATE A MARRIED MAN YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS




1. The only thing he wants from you is sex, after Cumming he will be gone. He will only sweet talk you again when he needs some more sex.

2. He can spend a day with you touring beautiful places but at the end of the day he will go back to his wife and kids who will be missing him.

3. He is never going to leave his kids and wife because of you. He will only be fooling you all the time with words like “I will marry you,I will build for you a house, I will buy for you land, I will take you to the driving school, I will buy for you a posh car” and many more different lies.

4.Keep it in your minds that you are not the only one he sleeps with apart from his wife. If he can cheat on his wife with you then why can’t he cheat on you with some other lady? Seriously he does. He spends his time and money on other babes just like the way he does with you.

5. He really loves his wife that is why he married her, he can’t divorce her and he can’t marry you. You are just his side dish to take off his stress. So his loving you is for fun and temporary.

6. He will dump you after using you for some other fresh babe; he won’t fulfill what he promised you.Those will be lies that he told you just to soften your heart and to get what he wanted.

7. Getting pregnant won’t fully trap him; He has his real kids and wife at home that he can show to the friends and relatives. You and
your kids will be hidden.

8. His property and money are his,children and his wife. It’s very hard to get a share on his property.

9. You will never be part of his future, so stop wasting your time and energy. Cease serving your body to him because he gives you some money, because he promised you something…

 A real lady works hard and gets her own money, pays her bills and a man with a lot of dime should just be a BONUS. Be wise dear Ladies. Get out of that sexual network. Stop wasting your time with married men. Love guys of your level who have true love for you.

© The States Lady

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Donald Trump threatens on pulling out U.S funds if the World Health Organisation does not act now on handling the COVID 19 Pandemic



President Donald Trump says if World Health Organisation does not make major improvements in the next 30 days, he will freeze funding to the organisation permanently and reconsider the US' membership!

"Action is needed quickly. We do not have time to waste. That is why it is my duty, as President of the United States, to inform you that if the World Health Organization does not commit to major substantive improvements within the next 30 days, I will make my temporary freeze of United States funding to the World Health Organization permanent and reconsider our membership in the organization. I cannot allow American taxpayer dollars to continue to finance an organization that, in its present state, is so clearly not serving America's interest," an excerpt of President Trump's statement reads.

Trump criticises the organization for failing to publicly call on China to allow for an independent investigation into the origins of COVID-19.

He also criticises WHO boss, Tedros Adhanom for being less competent than the former Director General Harlem Brundtland.

The States Lady

Monday, May 18, 2020

Archbishop Samuel Kleda Warns Public on Circulation of Fake COVID-19 Treatment



Many social media users and news handles have been sharing this image saying it is the COVID-19 remedy of Arch Bishop Samuel Kleda, but he says the information is false.

Bishop Kleda recently said, during an interview with the CRTV, that he will yet find a name for his product when the time comes.  And this moment to come will be during the official presentation of its product to the whole world and it is not yet the case. 

This product in circulation in the above bottle is not that of Bishop Kleda.  The enemies of the Church purposely circulate this poison and when the damage from this poison will surface it will be said that it is the product of Archbishop kleda that already kills. 

Please Guard against fake!
There are places where the real product is distributed, namely Catholic hospitals under the health services of each diocese. 

The States Lady

Breaking Sad news



Cameroon's National Commission on Human Rights and Freedoms president, Dr. Chemuta Divine Banda is no more.

Reports say the 74-year old died today May 18 in the nation's capital, Yaounde at "Le Jourdain" Clinic following a protracted illness.

Madagascar records first COVID-19 death!



President Andry Rajoelina of Madagascar says that the deceased who was a 57 years old parking lot attendant was suffering from acute diabetes and hypertension, and his health deteriorated rapidly that  he could not be administered the Covid-organics herbal drink.

Saturday, May 9, 2020

SIX WAYS MEN CAN ESCAPE POVERTY IN LIFE.



Poverty is not having enough material possessions or income for a person's needs. Poverty may include social, economic, and political elements. Absolute poverty is the complete lack of the means necessary to meet basic personal needs, such as food, clothing and shelter. There area lot of factors that can contribute to a man's poverty in life  and the following can help you stay out of the plight:

1. Get the right woman - Forget the slay queens and women with looks but zero brains. Get a woman who will not only support your vision but will also push you to achieve more. A woman who will inspire you to work hard and not a woman who just makes you hard. He who finds a real woman finds a good thing and obtains favour and power to create wealth.

2. Stop Taking Cheap Drinks - I have no problem with having drinks during social interaction and networking. However, when you drink cheap drinks or drink in cheap places, you hang out with cheap people who have cheap ideas and a cheap future. Big business opportunities are found in places where the drinks are expensive. In fact, in places where they sell cheap drinks, the only people you will find there are people who will be asking you for money. They even clap when you come knowing 'big buyer' has come.

3. Stop being Lazy - "Man ooh Man, why art thou Lazy?" You are too lazy for your own good. You sleep the whole day and blame the government for your poverty. "A Little Sleep, a Little Slumber, poverty shall overtake you like a political cadre in overalls". A lot of men are just lazy when it comes to making money. They have enough energy to give a woman five orgasms, but have no energy to start one organization, that's why it is so easy for men to manufacture children than it is to make even pegs for putting children's clothes on the line..

4. Know Productive Things - If you keep too much junk in your head, you get a junk life. I know a lot of men who are so sharp when you are talking about girls, about soccer and about street politics, Who is Rich who is not,Who has a good house but you can't bring a topic about investment, innovation and business, they start looking at their phone, yawning or saying bye.. Useless things, videos and memes go viral fast than constructive things.. A man must know how to do at least one productive thing (have one skill) even without having gone to college.

5. Get Connected to Big Men Who are better than you - A lot of men are failing because they are not mentored. They don't have anyone to whom they can sit down and listen, with obedience. In the old days, old men would sit young men down and show them how to hunt and kill animals... and no man was considered a man enough until he has personally killed an animal... now these men of nowadays are not mentored and can't even kill a bird. There are men out there who have made it in life, find a way to get mentored by big men who are making waves and impacting people in our community.

6. Work - Stop Spending your whole day just praying and fasting yet you know that both Quran and Bible tells you that God will bless the work of your hands. Yes yes The blessing finds you on your way doing something,Stop using Prayer as an excuse not to work. Work hard. It’s an error for your pockets to be empty and your brain to be empty too.

© The States Lady

VictoryMarshal Ayafor fondly called THE STATES LADY is a Journalist by profession,  motivational speaker, marriage counselor,  life coach, relationship expert, self actualisation consultant and certified Psychologist in private practice. 

Monday, April 27, 2020

THINGS TO TEACH OUR CHILD(REN) AT EARLY AGE:

Child up bringing is everything

The values we inculcate in our children at the very early stage of their lives builds them into the kind of adults they will become. Ever heard of the Bible quotation "train up a hold the way he should go, such that when he grows, he will not depart from it".  If you don't train your children well at the tender age, you will love to hire lawyers to defend them in court when they are adults. Remember, it's kids today, adults tomorrow. So in today's article, we will be looking at some basics on how to train our children right:
1: Warn your Girl Child Never to sit on anyone's laps no matter the situation including uncles.

2: Avoid Getting Dressed in front of your child once he/she is 2 years old. Learn to excuse them or yourself.

3. Never allow any adult refer to your child as 'my wife' or 'my husband'

4. Whenever your child goes out to play with friends make sure you look for a way to find out what kind of play they do, because young people now sexually abuse themselves.

5. Never force your child to visit any adult he or she is not comfortable with and also be observant if your child becomes too fond of a particular adult.

6. Once a very lively child suddenly becomes withdrawn you may need to patiently ask lots of questions from your child.

7. Carefully educate your grown ups about the right values of sex . If you don't, the society will teach them the wrong values.

8: It is always advisable you go through any new Material like cartoons you just bought for them before they start seeing it themselves.

9. Ensure you activate parental controls on your cable networks and advice your friends especially those your child(ren) visit(s) often.

10. Teach your 3 year olds how to wash their private parts properly and warn them never to allow anyone touch those areas and that includes you (remember, charity begins from home and with you).

11: Blacklist some materials/associates you think could threaten the sanity of your child (this includes music, movies and even friends and families).

12. Let your child(ren) understand the value of standing out of the crowd.

13: Once your child complains about a particular person, don't keep quiet about it. Take up the case and show them you can defend them.

14. You also need to teach them how to study the words of God, how to pray and also lead them to Christ. It's very important.

Remember, we are either parents or parents-to-be. What our children become tomorrow is a product of what we have invested in them as values and moral rectitude. Our labor over our children will never be in vain in Jesus name.

© The States Lady

Sunday, April 12, 2020

10 FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT GOOD PARENTING


Healthy parenting is key if we must raise responsible children

Today’s world is getting worse because a lot of parents aren’t doing a good job with their kids. Raising a child might not really be an easy task, especially when you have to juggle parenting and your career together.

A parent is a child’s first influence, and being a good parent will go a long way in that child’s life.

Being a good man/woman wouldn’t necessarily make you a good parent; it’s being a good father/mother, figurehead, role model etc that will make you a good parent.

These are some ways you can be a good parent.

1. A good parent is involved in the daily growth of their children. A good parent doesn’t only cater for the child, but is involved in the growth of that child.

2. Children learn a lot from the examples parents show them; they’re watching you even when you don’t know it. A good parent sets good examples at all times. Like they say: “Children do what you do, not what you say”.

3. A good parent is involved in the child’s education. A good parent is interested in the child’s education and is involved in it.

4. A good parent tries to help create a balance for the child in not only education, but various aspects of the child’s life — morally, socially and spiritually.

5. A good parent corrects the child from a young age, and teaches the child what’s right and what’s wrong.

6. A good parent teaches the child to have certain core values like respect for others, selflessness, to apologise when wrong and to maintain honesty at all times.

7. A good parent showers the child with love, and is emotionally available for their child.

8. A good parent creates a friendly and positive relationship with their child. A good parent isn’t distant from their child.

9. A good parent knows how to talk their children, especially as they grow older. A lot of children tend to become distant from their parent as they grow older. This happens most times because many parents don’t know how to talk to their children.

10. As hard as this might be, but a good parent accords their children a degree of respect as they get older.

Being a good parent doesn’t end at providing for your children; it goes way beyond that.

By VictoryMarshal Ayafor B.

HOW TO DISCOVER WHAT YOU WERE BORN TO DO



Everyone has a purpose, there is a contribution you are meant to give to your generation. Stop copying people; stop merely existing, live out your purpose. Find yourself, find your purpose and excel in it. It is only in finding and pursuing ayour purpose that you will find true fulfillment in life. If you want to be fulfilled, happy, content, and experience inner peace and ultimate fulfillment, it’s critical that you learn how to find your passion and life purpose. Without a life purpose as the compass to guide you, your goals and action plans may not ultimately fulfill you.
Find your purpose by paying keen attention to the following:

1. "What you love to do even without pay'
Is there something you enjoy doing and you would do even if not paid for it? And you end up charging people for you to do it just because you have needs and must earn a living? What is your consuming passion? What is that thing  that you can do 24/7 and even if they don't pay you on that, you still derive fulfillment? I dare you to find your passion, for there your purpose.

2. "What angers you to action"
Is there something happening in society that makes you mad and inspires you to change it? Do you hate seeing broken marriages, or hurting orphans, or illiteracy in people, or the environment being destroyed? There lies your purpose

3. "What do people say you are good at?"
Is there something you do so effortlessly and naturally yet people marvel at it? Something many people tell you how great you are at it? There lies your purpose

4. "The struggles that have shaped you"
The pains, darkness, your past experiences and challenges we face in life prepare us for our purpose. Don't look at your past struggles as moments of shame but moments of insight

5. "The things you often critic"
Is there an area you like to give an opinion on? Do you see people shadily dressed and want to suggest how best they could have done it? Maybe your purpose is in line with fashion. Do you go to events and end up criticizing how late it started, how poor the decor was done and how bad the sound was? Maybe your purpose is in event organizing

6. "The hints your childhood gave"
Your purpose could have been trying to be expressed when you were a child. When a little one what did you love to do? Pay attention to your childhood, in your childhood your passion was innocent, real and true

7. "The things that you keep pursuing even when you fail"
Is there something you keep chasing after even when you hit walls or get discouraged? Something you want to fight for no matter how difficult? There lies your purpose

8. "The school subjects you excel in"
Look at the subjects in school, which ones did you/ do you perform well in. In the subjects in line with our purpose we don't cram to pass exams, we read to understand; we read beyond our school curriculum, we hunger to know more about the subject outside school

9. "The issues that move your heart"
What things in life move your heart, some of them moving you to the point you get teary? Pay attention to what gives your heart a kick and joy, there lies your purpose

10. "The things you love to do before life discouraged you"
Go back in time, back before you stopped dreaming, what were you fired up about? There lies your purpose

11. "The areas you would invest in if you had unlimited money"
If you had a lot of money, beyond your basic needs where would you invest? Your purpose is tied to what you would give wealth to

12. "The problems people run to you for solutions"
Are there issues that people turn to you to solve, areas where you love giving solutions? People are turning to you because your purpose is already showing to them. When living out your purpose to people you appear a master in that area

13. "The things you do that bring you fulfillment"
What do you do that makes you feel alive, you end the day feeling wonderful having done it? There lies your purpose

14. "The things you feel empty when you don't do them"
This is not about an addiction but noble tasks. Are there noble tasks and ventures you feel empty and unsettled when you don't do them? There lies your purpose. Don't deny yourself the chance to do them

15. "The things you do that bring out your confidence"
When you're living out your purpose you are your most confident, your face lights up when talking about it. Pay attention to your confident levels, where you glow and feel in your element, there lies your purpose
You’ve got big dreams and ambitions. Now, it’s time to start acting on them while taking your life to a whole new level. I’d like to invite you to sign up for my free webcast called the Success Formula.

I continually ask my clients and counselees the same exact questions I’m about to ask you now:

Are you where you want to be?
Have you accomplished all you thought you would by now?
Are you enjoying the lifestyle, travel, weekends and leisure pursuits you’ve always dreamed of?
Do you want a more fulfilling career or business?
Could your relationships be deeper, more rewarding, and more meaningful?
If not, I’d like to challenge you to up-level every single aspect of your life, career, and lifestyle, STARTING NOW. I believe with the right tools, everyone can cultivate a mindset of success, and discover their greatest life purpose.

© The States Lady

VictoryMarshal Ayafor fondly called THE STATES LADY is a Journalist by profession,  motivational speaker, life coach, relationship expert, self actualisation consultant and certified Psychotherapist in private practice.

Friday, April 10, 2020

10 BITTER TRUTHS ABOUT DIVORCE



With each generation, divorce rates seem to be on the increase and couples of today are usually quick to end their marriage without putting reasonable efforts to save it.
These are some bitter truths you should know about divorce:

1. Bad marriage is a product of both partners and not just one, but couples somehow tend to blame each other when the marriage goes bad.

2. A sustainable marriage isn’t just about love, but tolerance also. When any of these two is lacking, your marriage would suffer.

3. Your children suffer the most when they see their parents fight each other for a divorce. Even if they don’t tell you, they feel a lot of pain and grief.

4. Your kids would always have that wish that their parents come back together and live like one big happy family.

5. The period of divorce would bring some traits you wouldn’t believe you have.

6. Many marriages don’t just end after divorce, especially when they have kids. The marriage might be over but some things could still linger on.

7. Divorce could make you both lose your minds.

8. Divorce isn’t just about you and your spouse. Your children also have their own share of the experience and you wouldn’t believe what’s going on in their minds.

9. Sharing properties isn’t that easy. When two people build a union over the years, they acquire property together and to share it when they want to go their separate ways is not an easy task.

10. Most partners don’t try to save their marriage till it’s pretty late and the problems have reached a point where it cannot be solved.

These are some bitter truths about divorce many couples are unaware of.

Monday, April 6, 2020

YOUR JOB COULD JUST BE A WASTE OF YOUR LIFE


Find a job you will passionately wake up to everyday

Are you happy with your life? Are you happy with the job you do? It's never too late to completely reinvent yourself and become the person you've always wanted to be. Dare to live a fulfilled and purpose oriented life even if it means you making less money on that. Once you're on your life purpose and doing what you were born to do, there is a fulfillment and satisfaction you get in life that no amount of money can ever buy. 

True success in life is discovering your purpose for living and investing all your passion and potential in that pursuit to become all what you can ever dream to be. So with great love and respect,I challenge you to rethink your life and bring it back on course. If you are not happy with your job, quit it and find your passion and purpose to build a profession around it. If you're not happy with the quality of your life, reinvent it. Always remember, whether you are the CEO of the world's top company or a simple janitor, we all will end up as dust. It's not about the job title you hold, but the job satisfaction and fulfillment you get on the job. What matters is how fulfilled you led your life and how many lives you touched, how much you made the world a better place in the course of living your life.

If you're not happy with your life purpose, your job or your meaning in life, change it. It's ok to make less money doing something you love and are passionate about than making mega boxes on a job you feel drained, exhausted and unfulfilled on. You don't have to keep up with competition or what people will say or think of you. It's your life and you're the one who is responsible for your happiness and fulfillment in life. Don't fear being judged by people because you don't have that great job title or living they life of their expectations. It's your life and what matters most is your fulfillment. So live it on your own terms.

Don't look back at the end of your life and see unfulfilled dreams or chances you didn't take and days that were just wasted away on a job that you hated and were just doing perhaps for the attractive pay package. Don't be so busy making a living that you actually forget making a life. Because life is so short. Do something that you love and are proud of it, something that will create lasting impact and a legendary legacy when u're gone. And when u're not working, spend that time with the people you love. Always know you weren't born to just work to pay the bills and die. You were born to fulfill your life purpose through what you do as work or your job.

© The States Lady

VictoryMarshal Ayafor fondly called THE STATES LADY is a Journalist by profession,  motivational speaker, life coach, relationship expert, self actualisation consultant and certified Psychologist in private practice.
For counseling and our life coaching services, call or Whatsapp us at
 + (237) 676865480.

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN IMMATURE WOMAN AND A MATURE WOMAN:



1. An immature woman desperately looks for attention. She is loose. She has an unhealthy dependency on attention; her body and sexual flirts is her only billboard to gain attention.... A mature woman attracts admiration by what she does, her reputation draws people to her, her body is not a billboard but the carrier of her greatness that lies inside, she grows her mind and heart; attention finds her she doesn't look for it.

2. An immature woman uses what is between her legs as a weapon of power. She boasts "I have the vagina so I make all the rules". She uses sex as a war card in battling her husband. She confuses the lust men have for her to mean she is incharge, but in essence, she is just a doll in a game of men who just want to use her... A mature woman doesn't play with sex. She holds sex in high regard, wouldn't deny her husband love making just to get back at him. She knows sex is not a weapon or bait but an expression of intimacy and love. When a man gets to her vagina, it's not because he's conquered or has reached the highest level of a casual game; but because she loves him.

3. An immature woman makes decisions based on rumors. She acts on rumors, she would break up with her man based on the rumors she's heard about him. She gossips, is driven by emotions... A mature woman searches for the truth. She has no time for gossip and small talk. She makes decisions on facts, and respectfully confronts her man when she hears something unsettling; not trusting outsiders. She is not controlled by her emotions, she controls her emotions.

4. An immature woman equates a great man to merely having wealth. She belittles men who have few resources, she is attracted first by material things, she fails to see the many great men who have become icons and successful, not out of being rich but through their character, she is shallow... A mature woman looks at a man's character. She realizes that a man who has little today can have plenty tomorrow, she believes in hardwork and can rejoice in the success of a wealthy man and also spot a man who is heading to greatness. She is not moved by wealth because she is looking for more. She builds her own wealth and wants a man to build an empire with 

5. An immature woman allows people's opinion to bully her and sink her, she pays too much attention to what people think, she never makes any move because of fear of outsider's voices... A mature woman is firm in her identity. Hate her and she will still be her, laugh at her and she will still soldier on, tell her it's impossible she will still pursue her dreams, she is confident in who she is.

6. An immature woman is lazy, she looks for a man who can be a sponsor, she is a gold-digger, she wastes all the years of education her parents invested in her by sitting down and waiting for a man to worship her and be a giver to her, her laziness is a burden no matter how beautiful or sexy she is... A mature woman wants to give. She wants to contribute, she is a hardworker, she is not looking for favors, she may be a housewife or having a rich man but she will still work hard and give even if not financially. She loves it when she does things for her man and for others.

7. An immature woman, if she is a single mother, she hates her child because the child reminds her of the man who impregnated her. She takes out the hate for her ex on the child she had with him, she mistreats her own child or avoids spending much time with her own child out of disgust.... A mature woman is the best mother whether with her man or as a single mum. She forgives and lets go of the man if he leaves and loves on the child. She showers her own child with love, not punishing the child for the wrongs of the father.

8. An immature woman wages a war against men, she uses the past struggles caused by men as an excuse to hate on every man. The wrongs done to her by one man or a few men shapes how she sees every man. She lives life as a battle of sexes and indoctrinates other women and girls with this anti-men philosophy.... A mature woman respects men, she doesn't see men as enemies, she judges every man individually without generalization, she believes every man should be given a chance just like every woman, she sees the ideal situation as men and women building a better world.

9. An immature woman breaks her own home with her toxic words and unloving deeds towards her man. She makes loving her difficult... A mature woman builds her home. She is lovable. She is faithful, she keeps off her friend's man. If her man cheats on her she wouldn't cheat in revenge but walk away with her dignity of seek a solution only if he is committed to change 

10. An immature woman is her own worst enemy. She beats herself down, gives up on herself, loves playing the victim. She looks at the mirror and she's herself as ugly. She hates her body, has a low self esteem, forgives others but doesn't forgive herself, crucifies herself for her past sins and feels deserving of crap and mediocre... A mature woman is her own best friend. She encourages herself. Others may not believe in her but she'll never give up on herself. She is confident in her beauty. She loves her body knowing she has only that body all her life. She treats herself well, forgives others and herself, refuses to be a slave of her own negative thoughts. She glows.

© The States Lady